Dumbass Strikes Again
Jun. 17th, 2003 10:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyra_ojosverdesCecilia just couldn't get out the door, Saturday, without one of her trademark increasing-decibel rants. This one was about Doug going to Indonesia. I told her that the harder anyone argues against him, the more stubborn he becomes, and that since he rarely if ever follows through on his plans, I didn't bother getting upset about it. I figured it wouldn't happen anyway, so why waste the energy? She said that did sound like a good way to approach it, because he did dig in his heels whenever anyone disagreed with him, then said that she hadn't really thought he'd do it either, until she came home and saw the plane tickets lying on the table.
Fast-forward to yesterday, when Cecilia e-mails to tell me that Doug can't get his passport because he owes so much back child support. The plane ticket is non-refundable, and he sold all his tools (he's a diesel mechanic) to buy the ticket. I roll my eyes. What a fuckup. It would seem wise to check all arrangements, including ability to leave the country, before buying non-refundable plane tickets to Jakarta, no? Just a thought.
Yesterday afternoon, as I'm napping, the phone rings. I ignore it because I'm napping, dammit. Later, I check my messages. There's Doug, in full begging-voice, something I haven't heard since I left him back in December '99. He really, really needs to go to Indonesia, see, because he can't find a job anywhere in the United States. [Really? Not even at Burger King? Bullshit.] But they won't give him his passport, because he owes so much money to the state of Idaho for child support. [During the time a person receives cash assistance, all child support owed that person becomes owed to the state. Therefore, if he ever starts paying his back child support, he has to pay the state of Idaho, then Montana, off before ANY of it comes my way. Last I checked, he owes Idaho about $8k. I'm not sure what he owes Montana, but it's probably close to that amount.] But there is one way that might work, see. If I'd just call the child support enforcement people and tell them that I forgive some of his debt to me, then he can get his passport and go to Indonesia, where he can make tons and tons and tons of money, and send me double and triple payments on the child support, so I'd be getting a lot more money that way. Please, oh please, he's begging me, please please do this for him.
So.. if I forgive some unknown, but presumably LARGE amount of the debt he owes me, he'll leave the country. That's a plus... but a selfish one. I really do need to consider how it will affect the boys to have their father disappear. Who knows if he'd come back. Probably, because his big plans never last long, and his relocations to California and Wyoming each lasted a few months before he moved back in with Mom. You can't exactly buy a cheap bus fare back from Indonesia, though. I know damned well that he's not going to send double and triple payments on the child support. If he does get a good-paying job over there (he says he'll be teaching.. teaching WHAT?) and makes lots of money, he'll quickly find a way to spend lots of money. He's had good jobs in the past, and oddly enough he never did get around to contacting child support enforcement for wage garnishment, or hell, even writing a damn check to child support enforcement ALL BY HIMSELF, before he was fired within six months.
If I refuse to do it, at least there's a record of how much he owes me. Not much of a chance in hell he'll ever pay it, but if he does work a job where his income is reported (as opposed to being paid under the table), and is due a tax refund, it's seized and goes toward the back child support: state debt first, of course. For a few years, that was chipping $500 or $1000 off the state debt each year. If I refuse to do it, he'll be furious, and I'll have to ask Cecilia to watch the kids closely and shield them from him.
So, that's what I went to bed thinking. I planned to get in tough with Cecilia, and possibly Doug's acid-tongued but very intelligent and level-headed sister the next day, to get their opinions on the matter.
At 5:30 am, the phone rang. Caller ID said it was Cecilia's house, which meant it could be Doug or Cecilia. I figured it was Doug, and I really didn't want to talk to either of them, so I didn't answer. I checked the messages five minutes later, in case it was an emergency call. It wasn't. It was Cecilia, speaking in urgent and conspiratorial tones, that what was said was just between her and me, and that Doug had been trying to reach me because he can't get his passport because he owes too much back child support. He wants me to forgive $10,000 of the debt he owes me. She said that I shouldn't have to do that, because if he wants something he can work for it just like everyone else, that I've been struggling to get by for years without any help from him, and that I shouldn't forgive the debt he owes me, since I've had to bear the full burden of supporting the children.
Well, that gives me all I really need... hell no, I'm not forgiving $10,000 of the debt he owes me. I've been busting my ass to see that they're fed, clothed, and housed. I've been shopping for their clothes at Goodwill and yard sales, and gladly accepting hand-me-downs. At one time I was working three part-time jobs while going to school full-time. He can bloody well suck it up and deal. I feel bad about the non-refundable ticket to Jakarta, but fuck. Lack of planning on his part doesn't create any obligation on mine.
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Yeah... but...
Date: 2003-06-17 11:14 am (UTC)Other thing is, do you have any belief that you are ever going to see a dime from him? You do have a golden opportunity to get him out of the country here, and not have to worry about his destructive influence on the kids. Yes, they'll be without a dad, but they'll be without a controlling, violent deadbeat dad with halitosis.
You have struggled for years to clothe, feed, and take care of your kids, and you've done a wonderful job. But, most likely scenario is that you're always going to be doing it without any financial help from him. So, don't make your decision based on any false hope of seeing that money.
Other question to consider is that regardless of YOU forgiving the debt... what are the states of Idaho and Montana going to do about it? Will they go along with forgiving all the debt, when they are owed for the time you have spent on public assistance. Your willingness to be forgiving (ha!) may not have any bearing on the situation.
Re: Yeah... but...
Date: 2003-06-17 03:24 pm (UTC)No, I don't think he will ever voluntarily pay the debt. The key is "voluntarily." If, by some strange occurrence, he comes into some sum of money, the kindly government just may take a chunk and hand it to me.
I know, but I can dream.
This gem from Cecilia, in reply to my concern that if I tell him no, he'll become extremely angry and frighten or harm the kids:
Dear Katrina: As for Doug taking it out on the children, he wouldn't. Plus I had one time to call the police because he became enraged and violent with me, so all I have to remind him of is that "he has a record".
Gee, I guess some things never change. I felt like saying "But you told me I was exaggerating and trying to get him in trouble!" At least she has a phone for the police-calling.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-17 03:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-17 03:27 pm (UTC)Doug: [to the boys and me] I've got something real important to tell you. I've met a woman online and I love her very much. She lives in Indonesia, which is a really long ways away.
Me: [feeling bitchy from prolonged exposure to Doug and his mother] Where'd you meet her, a mail-order bride website?
Doug: [with no trace of chagrin] Yeah, actually! She's got a real good job working for Nike, and I'm thinking that eventually I might look into moving there to be with her.
Re:
Date: 2003-06-17 03:30 pm (UTC)Ah, so she's earning 10 cents a day instead of the usual per capita income of 5 cents!! Wow, she's raking it in... Doug won't even have to get a job when he gets there!
no subject
Date: 2003-06-17 03:49 pm (UTC)This is just too good...
I love it. I didn't even think Doug was capable of that level of stupidity. You wait long enough, and people will always surprise you. Just not always in a good way.
Do you think he can send Ethan the link to that website? ;}
umm....HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Date: 2003-06-17 10:36 pm (UTC)why am i not surprised?
Re: umm....HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Date: 2003-06-18 11:18 am (UTC)