kyra_ojosverdes | Scatterlings and Orphanages

So, there's this guy. He teaches (taught?) here at the U. He was my advisor, and a really nice guy. Very approachable, very bright, very attractive. (Very very attractive.) He's kind of shy, and another student (during one of those "psychoanalyze your professors" chats that psych students are practically required to have) said that she'd finally pinpointed what was different about him: he gave off a vibe that said "I am not sexually available to you." I agreed with her, and commented that it was odd, because he did give off a sexual vibe, but not a gay vibe... so the guy is not asexual, but doesn't appear to be "into" men or women. Shrug.

This last year, he's been missing a LOT of classes (when the professor misses class, class gets canceled and students get highly annoyed, especially after the 5th or 6th time. This other student and I were worried about him, because we like him. We each approached him about him possibly being depressed (he has a large distrust of clinical psychology, and sticks to statistical and experimental stuff), because he seemed unfocused, less lively, more distant... and very often physically absent.

I suppose these events, if the allegations are true, would explain a lot of that... I'm not ready to accept it just yet, on the basis of some in-trouble kids claiming they saw certain (possibly Photoshopped) pics on the laptop they stole from him. If there turns out to be hard prrof, though, I'll be calling for his genitals on a pike. I can understand how a parent can "lose it" and hit a child. I can even stretch that to understand how a parent could get locked into a cycle of control and violence, and physically and/or abuse mentally/emotionally abuse a child or partner over a long period of time. I do not understand how anyone could hurt a child (or adult) sexually. I just don't.

Next subject: I met my new therapist today. She's a Psy.D. (like a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology, but more emphasis on counseling techniques, less on research techniques) who also works at the YWCA doing counseling for the women there. She's smart, a good listener, and understands what I'm saying when I tell her that once we establish a basis of trust, I want to move beyond the 'log of weekly events' and talk about the upsetting things. With my last therapist, it often seemed I was meeting a friend for coffee.. which is nice, but not when she's charging $150 an hour. I need someone who will notice when I'm intellectualizing to avoid feeling, call me on it, and help me get brave enough to dig into the nastiness that underlies some of my more troubling thought/behavior patterns. I think she'll fit the bill. And she accepts Medicaid, which is even better.

As we were talking, I described myself as impulsive. She asked, "Impulsive, or spontaneous?" After a moment's thought, I said "Both!" Later, she went back to it, saying she wasn't going to try to define me, but to her, I didn't seem so much "impulsive" as "spontaneous," "intense," and "passionate." Okay, I guess I can go with that. When I do things on impulse, it's generally something I have at least considered in the past, not something totally out of the blue. I've never maxed out my credit card in one shopping trip, or gone home drunk with someone. Who knows. "Impulsive" is shorter and easier to say than "spontaneous, intense, and passionate," though! ;-)

Yesterday's Food Diary
Breakfast:
raisins
Numi "Monkey King" jasmine tea I love Numi tea. Mmmm.
Yü dark chocolate rice beverage I love Yü... Yü love m.. stopping now!!! This stuff is really good. I get a milk-like substance, PLUS cocoa! YAY, Yü!!

Lunch: Went with Jennifer to "Out to Lunch" in Caras Park. Holy crowds, Batman! Got slightly sunburned, had a good time.
black bean tortilla chips Very garlicky. Very yummy.
grapes
baby carrots
Reed's™ ginger brew
Martinelli's™ sparkling cider

Dinner:
pesto on matzot This is becoming a staple.
Country Time™ Lemonade (with glycerol ester of wood rosin!)