Mouse Woes

My computer is doing frustrating things. These frustrating things are getting progressively worse. At one point, the mouse would just sort of take a break, you know, go outside and have a smoke or something, before coming back to work. That was annoying but tolerable. Then it started taking lunches. That was frustrating but a good sign that it was time to heft my ass out of the computer chair. Now it takes long lunches and comes back high on crystal meth. What's worse than a mouse that doesn't respond? A mouse that moves and clicks wherever and whatever the hell it likes, generally having absolutely nothing to do with what you want it to do.

Ideas? It's a Microsoft optical mouse, so it's definitely not a sticky mouse ball or something like that. I *think* the "smoke break" problems started with our old mouse, so it's likely not the mouse at all but the computer setting the mouse up for a fall. Maybe the computer is dealing crystal meth to the mouse. I don't know.

But goddammit, I CAN'T PLAY UO, and it's gotten bad enough that I can't even play Age of Empires anymore!! This cannot be, folkses.