kyra_ojosverdes | All About Katrina Post: Public Version (Reply)

Me: born July 1, 1974 in the Navy hospital in Charleston, South Carolina, USA. I'm a hopelessly-white bisexual bleeding-heart-liberal female. (Also: abuser of parenthetical statements.)

My Kids: James (jamesleslie) was born December 1993, Mark (markjeffrey) was born July 1995, and Eliza (eliza_marie) was born June 1998. The vast majority of my LJ posts are filtered to "adults only." If I make a Public post, please try to keep the comments PG-13 or at least not related to my sexuality. I post a lot about my kids and consider them wonderful little ~~beasts~~ blessings.

Location: Missoula, Montana, USA.

Family of Origin: I'm the oldest of five. My siblings, in order of birth, are americanvalkrie (2 years younger), redrita (4 years younger), talldalry (10 years younger), and "Baby Sister B" (15 years younger). My mother was killed in a car accident on July 31, 2005. My father lives in East Central Idaho. I was raised in the LDS (aka Mormon) Church and was a devout member of such until age 24. (I'm now best categorized as "eclectic pagan, it's complicated.")

Education: I spent six years pursuing an undergraduate degree. The first four years were spent as a Computer Science major, though I didn't get four years of CS coursework done during that time. I got 2.5 years into the CS coursework, got most of my General Education requirements, and had to take one semester off due to Life Explosion (see "Horrific Depression" in Backstory section). For various reasons, I switched majors to Psychology and experienced the joys of sleeping at night and again getting 4.0 semester GPAs. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer during my last year of the Psych program. Having cancer surgery while also taking a full course load, working, volunteering, and parenting proved difficult and I failed to complete research papers for two classes. I really need to retake those classes and get the degree.

Health: the cancer is gone. I have periodic blood tests to make sure it's still gone. I take a dose of synthetic thyroid hormone each morning, along with my antidepressants. I have severe chronic depression. I also have a wee bit of anxiety. Where "wee bit" means "lots." A large portion of my daily energy goes toward invisible things like convincing myself it really is safe and okay to sit up in bed, then stand, then walk to my bedroom door, and so on.

Backstory: My father was in the US Navy until I was 13 years old. We lived on various Navy bases and moved every 2.5 years. My family was poor, along the lines of "101 ways to cook beans and rice." I started working at age 13 (moving irrigation pipe until I was old enough to work legally) and was financially self-sufficient (and damnably independent) by age 15. I worked 30 hours/wk during high school, 40 hours/wk in the summers.

I married wasband #1, aka dumbass, on my 18th birthday. It seemed like a good idea at the time. The marriage was abusive. James was born 18 months into the marriage. I left when I was 20 years old and 6 weeks pregnant with my second child, Mark. My parents let me come back to live with them. Mark was born two months after the divorce was final. I lived with my parents for two years, until I was finally earning enough at my minimum-wage job to pay rent on a little trailer house. Having had very high grades and very very high standardized test scores in high school (I was a National Merit finalist and got the scholarship), it occurred to me that if my sons and I were to live in abject poverty I may as well get a college education while so doing.

I started dating creepass, aka wasband #2, aka the Psycho Stalker Ex from Hell about that time. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I was all about having a live-in Father Figure for my sons. I didn't chose a good one. Eliza was born 11 months after our marriage. Postpartum depression invited friends over, namely PTSD flashbacks and a coming-out crisis. See "Family of Origin" regarding "devout Mormon." The latter part of 1998 and all of 1999 were spent on The Horrific Awful Suicidal Depression That Lasted Forever. I decided that if I were to remain among the living I'd need to make some very large changes in my life because I didn't see the point of merely postponing suicide by a year or so. (People occasionally tell me I can be disturbingly blunt.) In October 1999 I left creepass, left the LDS Church, temporarily lost custody of all three of my children, lost all but three of my friends, and wasn't so sure how things would go with family. Things got gradually better and in January 2000 the boys returned to my home. Eliza is with us 50% of the time.

The Cancer Phase ended with me being unemployed (work-study job ends when you're done with college), unhoused (student housing also ends when you're done with college), and Pretty Damn Scared. Thankfully I found a job as a general laborer on a construction site and a place in the local YWCA's Transitional Housing program. After another Rather Scary time of unemployment I found a job at a non-profit social services organization and shortly thereafter moved to our current low-income apartment. After spending two years at WORD I was offered a job at a small computer and networking consultancy/repair company, which I accepted.

Life is good. There are stressors and problems to be solved, but on the whole (and especially looking back), life is Very, Very Good.

Expectations: Be civil. Disagree with me and others all you like in my LJ, but disagree by addressing facts, opinions, and ideas. Don't ever attack someone in my LJ, directly or otherwise. If you want to have it out with someone in a less facts-based manner, kindly take it to your own LJ or to e-mail. If I preface a post or disclosure by saying I'm sensitive and/or vulnerable regarding this subject, respect that and honor the trust I'm showing. Don't share my stories/information/secrets for me. They're mine to retell. I will show you the same courtesy.

As a general rule, a small breach of my trust can be overcome with time and demonstrated trustworthiness. A significant breach of trust, especially if it seems you meant hurt or harm, means you'll be at arm's length forever, whether or not you remain on my LJ friends list. There are a few folks on my LJ list who are especially dear to me and of whom I am irrationally protective. I'd list them, but they're probably easy enough to figure out, and IMO it's best to treat everyone as though they're especially beloved of one's host or hostess.

Hot Buttons: I am likely to become angry if you accuse or imply that I am lying. Hot-button topics include sexual abuse and/or assault, relationship violence, and certain aspects of poverty and social policy. This does not mean I'm uninterested in discussing these things, quite the contrary. These issues are intensely personal to me, and any sort of victim-blaming feels like a direct attack. I am a survivor of sexual assault and relationship violence. I'm still actively engaged in finding and defusing "triggers" planted during those experiences. I am living above the poverty line for the first time. I'm barely above it. (Edit June 2009: we're now above 150% of poverty level for family size, woo!) I've spent significant amounts of time working to help with people who were way, way below poverty level despite their best efforts. Going off about irresponsible single mothers or how poor people are lazy or milk the system or whatever is most certainly going to piss me off.