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It's Kind of Like When....
Feb. 8th, 2005 06:58 pmYou're playing a game. It could be a tabletop RPG, or a console game, or an arcade game, or a computer. Whatever the mode, the game is deeply immersive and you are deeply immersed. All your attention and consciousness is focused on the experience of the game. You have a set of immediate goals and a set of greater long-range goals. It is imperative that you accomplish whichever of the short term goals you're currently working on. The gem must be returned to the castle, the aliens must be eliminated from the screen, whatever. You overcome obstacle after obstacle and make significant progress toward your goal. You feel pleasure because you are making progress toward an important goal. You feel strong and smart and capable.
Then reality intrudes, whether in the form of a phone call, another "real world" noise which summons part of your consciousness away from the game, or just a lull in the action which allows some of that consciousness to return to the real world. You realize that the vitally important task is really of no import whatsoever and will change absolutely nothing in the real world. You do have one positive effect from all your hard work and energy: the pleasure of playing the game and being immersed in a world where you are strong, smart, and capable. The immediate tasks, short-term goals, and long-range goals are utterly meaningless and served only to engage you in the not-real-at-all fantasy world.
That's what it's like when The Despair hits me. Nothing matters. None of my effort has any shred of meaning or effect, because none of it is real, and any moment someone is going to hit the reset button and it will all dissolve into nothing. I don't even have the pleasure of having been immersed in the fantasy world, just a resounding emptiness. The reason that it's so hard to deal with The Despair when it hits during work hours is that it's very difficult to focus on your work and keep making progress and effort when your mind knows that it all, every tiny and huge piece of it, is completely without meaning, purpose, or reality.
Then reality intrudes, whether in the form of a phone call, another "real world" noise which summons part of your consciousness away from the game, or just a lull in the action which allows some of that consciousness to return to the real world. You realize that the vitally important task is really of no import whatsoever and will change absolutely nothing in the real world. You do have one positive effect from all your hard work and energy: the pleasure of playing the game and being immersed in a world where you are strong, smart, and capable. The immediate tasks, short-term goals, and long-range goals are utterly meaningless and served only to engage you in the not-real-at-all fantasy world.
That's what it's like when The Despair hits me. Nothing matters. None of my effort has any shred of meaning or effect, because none of it is real, and any moment someone is going to hit the reset button and it will all dissolve into nothing. I don't even have the pleasure of having been immersed in the fantasy world, just a resounding emptiness. The reason that it's so hard to deal with The Despair when it hits during work hours is that it's very difficult to focus on your work and keep making progress and effort when your mind knows that it all, every tiny and huge piece of it, is completely without meaning, purpose, or reality.
