yes, i know, i'm a weenie. where's my vaunted strength now?

Bullshit. Strength includes doing the things you need to do in order to survive and function as best you can. It also includes staying focused, as much as is possible, on reality... and reality includes budgets and the fact that money doesn't grow on trees and that it's well and truly fucked up that a medicine which DOES in fact grow on bushes is unavailable to you despite its many benefits.

I'm for legalization as well. Marijuana is FAR less harmful than alcohol, and it's arguably gentler than tobacco.